I had my annual GYN appointment today-My doctor and I have been putting it off all year in hopes that I would be pregnant soon, and since I'd just have to get one then anyway, why not wait?
So we scheduled it three months in advance, at my last post-miscarriage exam. "Hopefully you'll be pregnant then!"
I hoped.
And I'm not. So as luck would have it, I was on day 4 of my cycle. AF is trickling down in intensity-but I called the nurse to change my appt from a pap to an ultrasound, due to the crappy cyst that ruptured last month. I've been having intense cramping,and wanted to make sure everything was okay in there. They weren't having it.
"If you're not bleeding too heavily, get your pap anyway." I was skeptical, but complied. By the time I got there, I was barely spotting. This shouldn't be so bad, right?
Wrong.
It was the WORST pap I have had in my life. "Well, that's because you're on your period! Why did you schedule this for when you'd be on your period?!" Said my doctor.
Hmmph.I DIDN'T. Besides, who can foretell their cycle three months in advance after a miscarriage?!
I felt like I was going to throw up when I sat up. And then I had to regain my composure and ask my doc all the questions on my list while I was freezing under a paper robe.
I requested bloodwork done again, since the last time I had it done I was in the middle of an annovulatory cycle. I have never had a seven DPO progesterone test,either. She didn't think it was neccessary.
I said I wanted to get more aggressive in figuring this crap out- my mom, after all, took four years to get pregnant. When she was 20! (she had my brother at 25)
I think she sensed my discontent with how everything is going, and she referred me to an RE. She said she doesn't think I need one, really, but I'm obviously in a hurry, and have some valid concerns. (i.e, my mother's issues before having three children.)
She ended it by saying, "sometimes all it takes is scheduling the RE appt and you end up pregnant." like this is some magical, supersticious game that I need to just figure out the secret password for.
Nice.
What else is nice, is that the RE she referred me to is booked until MARCH. I made the appointment, but I just feel so tired, so worn out, so spent and did I mention TIRED? I am tired of not having an answer, no light at this empty long tunnel.
I just want to focus my energy on something else for a change, and not plan my whole life around when and if I'll ever get pregnant.
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7 comments:
Oh honey, I'm sorry the pap was so painful and crappy overall. AND that your OB was so unhelpful. Hopefully you will be pregnant well before March and will get to cancel that RE appointment. Hugs.
I'm sorry. It's a vicious cycle isn't it.
I think scheduling your RE appt and the fact that you cannot see them until March may be a good thing for you, mentally.
You sound pretty over all of this for a moment and maybe that is what you need.....to spend some time focusing on something else...maybe tracking your cycles for your RE is a good idea still so I would still do that, but maybe be okay one way or another if none of the next 3 cycles work....it may help your re-charge for your appt in March.
I am so very sorry it was so painful and awful. :( AND the nurse should have LET you reschedule b/c you tried to!
That said, I am really glad you actually got booked with an RE. I HATE the stupid wait too (I started asking in March & finally got seen in August). I actually really dislike trying to get GYNs to treat IF b/c they don't understand it as well.
Maybe you can sak the clinic to put you on a "call if someone cancels list". That's how I get my appt in Aug rather than Sep!
Grrrrrr.
Medical care is so crappy everywhere. And docs spreading assvice myths is just sooooo insulting!
I am sorry you had to go through that.
Sending you lots of love and support. I am glad you made an RE appointment. It's not a secret password but it does help us get some answers. Plus, it feels pro-active and that's a good thing!
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