I have a friend, previously mentioned, that is 37 and has two children, ages 15 and 20. She accidentally got pregnant with her 43 year old husband, and miscarried. It was very sad. They now have decided to try to get pregnant, since the last pregnancy excited them so much. Until then, they were fine to sit and wait for their youngest to fly the coop, leaving them to travel and do all the things people in their forties do when their kids are all grown.
I saw her two days ago, and she asked if we were still trying. Even after I intimated that,yes, we are still trying, and birthcontrol may have disturbed my cycle a bit, that I'm on medication and its been 10,loong months- she said," I just don't understand. I don't know why I'm not pregnant. We did EVERYTHING right this month." When I kindly told her that the rate of pregnancy is an average of 25% per cycle, she couldn't believe it. "well, I never understood how women could get when they were trying to conceive. NOW I get it."
hmph.
NOW you get it? After one measily month, when you just decided two months ago that you want this again? After you have had two healthy pregnancies and raised two children, never having to "try" to get pregnant? Never waiting, hoping, taking fertility medications, having sperm analysis done, buying books, charting software, taking your temperature every day, having failed IUI or IVF cycles and still being barren....NOW you get it? (not that I have been through all these things, but even I know that I don't "get" that,yet.)
I don't think she gets it. Nor do I think she understands, or will ever understand the heartache of trying to conceive and being at your limit. Anyone that has already "done the Mom thing" so to speak, doesn't understand how painful it can be to think you may NEVER get to do it. I know that secondary infertility is painful, but I can't believe that it is AS painful.
Not that I wish this pain on anyone, and maybe its just such a sensitive subject for me, but it really gets under my skin when people think getting pregnant is the easiest thing in the world to do.
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2 comments:
I think once someone has gotten to the point that they've been told they are dealing with infertility, either primary or secondary, most of the emotions are the same.
I absolutely agree with your frustration with your friend. Thinking she "gets it" after one month of trying is pretty insensitive towards you.
I totally understand.
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