The test and my mood.
I still have no spotting. Which is still weird to me, so what the hell? Why is my body so mean to me. Am I on Infertility Punk'd?
I have been so emotional for the past two days- I came home frusterated with work yesterday and almost threw a tantrum for my poor husband. This morning, a perfectly good, non-emotional song that reminded me of my husband made me thankful that I had sunglasses to hide my pansey tears behind.
I am so over this horrible rollercoaster. Up, down, around and around till I'm dizzy with emotions. I was so sure that the stinkin test would be positive this morning.
And still. No period. I'm sure this cycle is going to jack with me some more by making my luteal phase a day longer just to spice things up. Pull on my vulnerable heart strings just.a little.HARDER.
When will it be over? when can I get back to LIVING again, and not counting my days and hours around some stupid unpredictable freakin cycle? This has been my life for the past eleven months. I am weary, tired, spent. Every lull in conversation with my husband goes back to stupid ttc factoids that may or may not be true.
Every pregnancy stings a little more than the last, and every baby leaves a little more of an indention in my heart.
It seems like an impossible dream that I will never accomplish- a blind person spending his life trying to make himself see, While everyone around him doesn't have to think twice about opening their eyes in the morning and complaining about the sun being too bright.
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2 comments:
All is not lost until your period shows up! I am still hoping. You think that I'd be more negative after two years, but no, I'm still hoping. Hoping for us all.
thanks lisa. :) the truth is, I always have hope. Thats what always breaks my heart. :(
But thank you for your kind words...I'm hoping for us all,too.
:)
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